Jessica's Breakdown [Journey of a Thousand Miles 4] (Siren Publishing Ménage Everlasting) Read online

  He walked up the stairs and stood in the middle of the stage, facing the crowd. Looking down, he didn’t make eye contact with anyone. He just looked down at his feet. He didn’t say anything, which was a good sign that Mark had already spoken with him. “I’m going to go through a whole session from beginning to end. If you have questions, feel free to stand up and I’ll recognize you. During a scene in any other part of the club, though, that won’t be tolerated until the end.”

  Jessica moved, striding across the stage toward the man. She got a closer look at the young man chosen to be hers for the next hour. “His body should be clean. If he presents himself with unbrushed teeth, bad breath, or unshaven beard stubble, he must correct these matters before you allow him the privilege of being dominated by you.” She ran her hand around his body as she inspected every inch of him. “He did a good job this morning.” The crowd laughed as she circled him.

  “We’ve never played together before, so usually at this point before you start a session, you need to discuss physical and emotional limits, safe words, and if there will be any sexual interaction.” She told the crowd before stopping directly in front of her sub. “Tell me your hard limits.”

  “I don’t have any,” he said and Jessica cocked her head to the side and stared at him.

  “You have no hard limits? Think very hard about that. We are on stage in front of a whole room full of people. I will expect obedience. You don’t mind getting naked? Ass play? Spankings?” she questioned, wanting to make sure he was, in fact, being completely honest.

  “I’ll do whatever you tell me to.” He grinned and Jessica realized that Master Mark had obviously picked this man for a reason.

  “Okay. I’m going to talk you through this. If you have any concerns or need me to slow down, please say yellow. If you want me to stop what I’m doing, say red. I might ask you what color you’re at during different stages. Answer clearly and honestly and I’ll adjust,” Jessica said to him. He nodded his head and she looked around. There was a table and a chair, her toy bag was on top of the table and Jessica smiled to herself, let the games begin.

  “Bring me the chair, please. I want you to place it in the center of the stage and await further instructions.” He nodded once more and Jessica stepped in his way, stopping him.

  “Yes, ma’am. That’s what you say. Don’t nod,” she chastised.

  “Yes, ma’am.” He swallowed hard. Jessica moved to the side and let him pass. Picking up the chair, he did exactly as she had told him.

  Once the chair was in place, Jessica sat down. So many ideas ran through her mind, but she reminded herself that she wanted to keep this simple and basic. Moving to the edge of the chair, posture perfect, she said “Strip and kneel at my feet.”

  He waited, not moving, and she wondered if he was shy or purposely disobeying a simple request.

  “I’m waiting,” she said at last, “for you to take your pants off. For every minute you keep me waiting, I’m adding one minute of extra pain for you. And if we run out of time during this class, I’ll keep you here until I’m satisfied.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” He was only wearing a pair of jeans. He hadn’t given her any limits and she was curious to find out if he had lied. He slowly unbuttoned each button and the crowd was silent, staring at him. His skin glowed under the bright lights and Jessica enjoyed the view, watching as first he revealed his cock and then his strong muscular legs.

  He was a very good looking man, no doubt about it. His cock was hard and long, standing proudly so that everyone could see. She watched as he lowered his large frame to the ground, kneeling at her feet, and lowered his head, looking at the floor. Sitting straight, she wondered why she wasn’t feeling excited. Normally, at this point she would be wet and eager, but she wasn’t. That surprised her, but instead of overthinking it, she pushed forward and started the scene.

  * * * *

  She didn’t look happy, that’s the first thing Chase noticed. There was a smile on her face, but that was for the folks in the crowd. She wanted everyone to think she was having fun, but for some reason her eyes looked distant and sad. Sitting in one of the chairs on the observation deck, Chase leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs and watched her.

  “Since this is our first time together, I’m planning on taking things easy. When you have multiple sessions or a permanent partner, you’ll know all their boundaries and you’ll be able to read them easily. At this point, you are completely in charge. You can order him not to speak, not to look at you, anything,” she explained to the women in the crowd. Pushing her fingers through his hair, she flexed her hand and lifted his head.

  “I’m going to tie him up. You can tie his hands behind his back, unless, of course, you want them elsewhere, or you can do more to restrict his movements. Remember that only trusted, well-behaved subs are allowed freedom. I’m going to tie my pretty little sub up and play with him now.” Jessica stood and walked to the side of the stage. She pushed a button and a large cable lowered. Once she seemed satisfied with positioning, she reached into her bag that was placed on a table and grabbed a few things.

  Chase stared at her, watching as she moved so confidently around in her five inch heels. She looked like a goddess, and even though his woman was with another man, he knew it wasn’t sexual. He could tell that she wasn’t really that interested. Her sub for this seminar was just a toy.

  He watched her movements closely and made sure to pay close attention to her face. It only took her a few minutes to tie the young man to the cable. With another push of a button, the cable rose into the air, she stopped it once he was stretched out, arms high above his head. The man didn’t move, he stood still, but Chase could tell he was interested in Jessica. The pulse in his neck was pounding and he swallowed repeatedly, trying to act calm.

  Jessica walked around him, scratching her nails along the naked plane of his body. Leaving thin lines of red behind, he knew that she wasn’t being gentle. He had seen plenty of scenes being a member of Iron Gate, but it was a completely different experience seeing the woman that he wanted to be his leading one with another man.

  “Are you wishing that was you up there on stage?” Beau asked, and Chase wondered what it would feel like to submit to a woman. He wasn’t opposed to trading roles here and there as long as they could have her with them as their woman.

  “To be honest, I might let her tie me up,” Chase admitted, even though he knew Beau would completely disagree.

  “You can’t be serious.” He sounded shocked and Chase nodded, not once taking his eyes off her.

  “I am. Look at her. God, she’s gorgeous.”

  “She doesn’t seem that into it, you know?”

  “Maybe it’s because she doesn’t have feelings for the man. I know in the past we used to stay a bit disconnected from the subs we were playing with.”

  * * * *

  Walking around him, Jessica tested the knot to make sure he couldn’t move. She wanted him comfortable, just restrained. Holding the smaller piece of soft rope between her fingers, she stood in front of him and wondered how far she really could go. It was just too tempting. Turning back to the crowd, she stepped next to him so that everyone could see everything she was doing.

  Winding the rope between his genitals and his body, Jessica wrapped it between his cock and his balls. She didn’t tie it too tight, just tight enough that she had his immediate attention. She tied a pretty little bow on the top of his cock, presenting it like a gift for the crowd. Walking back to the table, Jessica looked through her bag. She knew that she wanted to give him a few good swats.

  She grabbed a few of the tools she liked best and placed them on the chair within reach but out of his sight. Picking up her riding crop, she went to him and trailed it up and down his body, letting him feel it, see it, and fear it. She could see it in his eyes, that look of anticipation and dread all rolled into one. She touched his cock, rubbing the crop along the length. Pre-cum dripped off the tip and she had lots of w
icked ideas. Raising her hand, she gave his cock a quick slap. He flinched, moaned in pain and moved, trying to escape her and the crop.

  “I didn’t give you permission to move.” She scolded him, lifting the crop once more.

  She slapped his cock, watching every movement and facial expression. He stood there, hands tied above his head and his hardness throbbing, waving at the crowd. Moving back to the chair, she picked up her favorite paddle and brought it back, lifting it so that he could see exactly what she would be using next.

  “Turn around. I want to show the crowd how to properly spank.” He turned reluctantly and Jessica gave his ass a quick slap.

  “Since there aren’t too many people in the audience today, I have a wonderful idea. Why don’t all of you come on up here and each give our volunteer sub a few smacks? It might be easier to have class participation for this. I can show hand placement and different ways to hold your hands for the fullest effect.”

  The women in the crowd jumped up, eager for some fun. They came up the stairs a formed a semicircle around the sub. She could see the spark of excitement in their eyes and wondered what was wrong with her. At this moment, she didn’t want to be on stage, and didn’t want to be playing with a male sub. It seemed so odd, but now that she was here on her vacation, she wanted to be at home. Pasting a smile on her face, she looked around and knew that she needed to finish this class.

  “There are different types of spankings, as I’m sure most of you already know. Punishment spankings are generally harsher, to correct an error. Erotic spankings are sexual foreplay.” The observers seemed giddy to play, so Jessica gave the sub a few playful smacks, wanting to warm him up before everyone else got a chance to play as well.

  Jessica finally stepped aside and watched as each woman gave the volunteer a couple smacks. She made sure that everyone had a turn and she also watched to see if their technique needed correcting.

  “Do you mind if I take over? I know that you want to be gentle with him and I understand, but he’s my sub and I know he can take a lot more. He wants more,” a petite woman said, and Jessica nodded, stepping aside. Normally, she wouldn’t have done that. She would’ve wanted to stay in control of the seminar, but today, something was missing. She knew in her heart that she wasn’t totally in control. The best thing to do was to let the other woman take back her sub.

  Going to the table, Jessica started packing up her things. She wanted to get out of the club. She needed some space to think. Picking up her bag, she headed off the stage and out of the main room. Once she was out of the club, she leaned against the wall, dropping her bag to the floor. Taking deep breaths, she tried to calm down.

  Chapter 7

  A gentle caress of her shoulder had Jessica standing straight and opening her eyes. She looked into Mark’s concerned face and felt guilty. She hadn’t meant to disappoint him, but she didn’t know what was happening to her. Maybe her time at Iron Gate was over. Maybe it was time to go home and do some soul searching.

  “Let’s go to my office and talk.” Mark held out his arm and Jessica took it, walking with him down the long hallway toward his office.

  It felt like she was headed to the principal’s office. She didn’t know what he was going to say, but she was disappointed in herself, so she wouldn’t be surprised if he was upset as well. She had tried to stay professional, to have fun and play out the scene, but she couldn’t seem to get out of her own head.

  When they finally reached his office, Jessica walked in and sat down in one of the chairs facing the huge maple desk. Sitting straight, she tried to appear as if nothing was wrong. She really didn’t want to have this conversation.

  “What’s going on?” Mark asked, sitting on his desk. Jessica already knew why he had asked her to come into his office. The seminar hadn’t been her best and it was because her heart wasn’t fully invested any longer. The whole time she was on stage, she kept wondering what was wrong with her. She felt lonely in a room filled with people and it made no sense.

  “I don’t know. My mind is somewhere else,” she admitted.

  “Who are you thinking about?” He stared at her and Jessica shook her head, laughing silently.

  “Am I that obvious?” She stared at him, wondering how he could read her so easily.

  “Only because I’ve been watching you for years and I consider you a friend.”

  She had spoken with Mark and Sean every time she came into town. The three of them had become friends and she still remembered wondering what it would be like to be their sub. Women came from around the country, hoping to get a chance to be with them.

  “I’m thinking about two Dom men that I’ll never really have a future with.” She decided to come clean and to be honest.

  “But you want to?”

  “Yes,” she whispered, feeling a bit vulnerable.

  “What’s wrong with submitting to someone else? Dominants often make excellent submissives. They know the rules of the game. Men submit to you all the time, women to me. The sub is the one in charge, you know that.”

  “I know. I don’t think there is anything wrong with submitting. I just don’t think that I can.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t want to be tied down. I don’t like pain. I don’t want to be exposed like that.” Crossing her arms across her chest, Jessica leaned back in her chair, watching Mark and wondering what he thought.

  “Maybe you should give it a try before you disregard it.” He arched a brow.

  “I have.” Swallowing hard, Jessica tried to block that mental image from coming back. She had been so weak, so pathetic. She never wanted to be that woman again.

  “Tell me about it,” he coaxed.

  “I hated myself.” Shaking her head, she closed her mouth tight, not wanting to share any intimate details.

  “Everything you say is confidential. You can trust that, and I really think you need to talk about the past.”

  “It was a long time ago.” Cracking her knuckles, she stretched out in the chair, trying to build up the courage to expose her secrets. “My first real relationship was with an older man. I was so blown away that he actually wanted me. He was so sophisticated, sexy, mature. Everything I wasn’t. He was also a very domineering man. At first, I thought it was just a part of our sexual relationship, but soon it became everyday life.”

  Nodding his head, she could see the compassion in Mark’s eyes, so she continued talking.

  “I wanted to please him. I wanted him to love me, so I did everything he said. After such a short period of time, I had completely changed. I was no longer myself. I was his version of me.” Shaking her head, she wondered if she was making any sense or if she was just babbling.

  “I worshipped the ground he walked on, would’ve done anything, but it never seemed to make him happy. I stopped spending time with my friends, my family. I only wanted to please him. He took me to a party one night at someone’s home. I didn’t feel comfortable, but I trusted him with my safety.”

  “Trust is an intricate part of this lifestyle.”

  “I was stripped, blindfolded, and tied to a suspended bar in the middle of the room. He flogged me, spanked me and played with me. Everything was fine. At least, that’s what I thought.” Swallowing hard, Jessica remembered the moment as if it had just happened. “It felt like a dream, like everything wasn’t real.”

  “Subspace.” He nodded, encouraging her to continue.

  “Yeah,” she whispered, clearing her throat so that she could continue. “I remember him fucking me and then the blindfold was pulled off. It took a few minutes for my eyes to adjust and then I realized that it wasn’t him. He was sitting across the room, watching his friends take turns fucking me. When I started to cry and struggle, I thought that he might come and rescue me. He didn’t.” Closing her eyes, Jessica prevented herself from crying. She had vowed long ago that she would never be weak again.

  “What happened?”

  Jessica felt surrounded by Mark. Opening her e
yes, she watched as he kneeled down in front of her and held her hands.

  “When they finally untied me, I felt numb. I wondered if I had just dreamed it, you know?” She nodded and he mirrored her. “He drove me home and said that he was disappointed. He had trained me to be a good girl and it was obvious that I wasn’t. I just…I didn’t feel anything.”

  “He betrayed you and took advantage of an innocent girl. He’s the asshole. It was him that had the issues, not you.”

  “I know that now and I’m glad that he let me go. Since that moment, I knew that I could never be weak again. I will never let a man own me like I let him. I gave away all my power.”

  “I knew you were fighting something. I’m a people watcher, and I could tell that you weren’t really into being dominant. I saw you stare at some of the subs around here with such a yearning that it broke my heart. Trust is earned and you were taken advantage of. You were young and inexperienced. Now, you know all the rules and you’ve proven that you are a very strong, independent woman.” Jessica felt her eyes fill with tears. She really appreciated everything that Mark had to say. He was a good man and she felt a sense of relief that she had finally told someone what had happened.

  “Do you trust me?” he asked.

  “Of course. Why?” She stared at him, hoping that he knew how much his friendship really did mean to her.

  “Will you trust me to set up a scene?” He stared at her, never breaking eye contact, and she wondered what he saw.

  Shaking her head, Jessica wanted to say no. The word was on the tip of her tongue, but she stopped and thought about Beau and Chase. Being up on that stage again, she had felt like she’d been going through the steps but not really completely invested or excited. Her one night with both of them changed her, and she regretted not having the guts to talk to them afterward. Could she trust Mark? Did she really want to do this?